Welcome to Part 2 of NostalgiaView’s look at Vault-Tec’s greatest crimes against humanity - The Vaults of the Capital Wastes. Brought to you in association with the Capital Wastelands Tourism Office, where, if you’re glowing or a glowing ones gnawing, you’re probably home.
Last week, we learned what happens when you try to create super soldiers - The short answer being death... lots of mutated, pustule-encrusted, bloody, bullet-riddled death. Seriously, if you look at the way the vault dwellers were treated by the company, you realise they should just rename the company to Telltale. Vault-Tec’s mascot has the wrong finger raised.
Vault 112 - The VR Utopian Nightmare
A song once asked: “What if God was one of us?”
Vault 112 answered: “What if God got bored with us?”
Despite being a poor sentence to crowbar into a rhyme scheme, that’s exactly what happened when they let German scientist (and totally not a Nazi) Stanislaus Braun create Vault 112. It was supposed to be different: a place that would create a Utopian society where people could live, ostensibly forever, in peaceful virtual reality.
It would be home to only 85 occupants!
It would have non vomit-inducing VR!
It would slowly drive Overseer Braun mad and make him continuously kill and mind wipe the occupants!
Vault 112 is unique in that it was completely hidden and so has no raider damage or critters to nosh on your nether regions. Also, it went online two years before the Great War happened which would make it the greatest pre-release event ever! The vault is hidden under Smith Casey’s Garage and once you go for a mind walk in the VR, you figure out that either old man Braun went mad, or got bored with playing the Sims “Real Edition” all day for 200 years and thus, started killing the locals every way he could. He’d give them a map, let them establish themselves, get bored, wipe them out, and let them respawn with their memories removed.
And this is the jack*** that created the Garden of Eden Kit?!
Now what sort of monster would do this for his own entertainment? *Looks disapprovingly at Blizzard*
Experiment Outcome: DELETED!
Vault 106 - Drugs are bad, m’kay?
The story behind this vault is if it smells like a duck, it’s probably a duck because you saw a duck and it said, “Hi, I’m a duck.”
Vault 106’s overseer did what every one of these idiots saw as a good idea: He followed his Vault-Tec orders. In this case, pumping psychoactive drugs into the air filtration system. He then told all the vault’s occupants to remain calm and to go to their rooms if they didn’t feel safe, with the security members being told that they should crack down on anyone acting a little strange.
I have no idea where people got this idea from.
I went there and met the bear
and he told me to go below on a dare.
Far and away we met Mister Snake
and he was making pies to bake.
And baked we were, setting off into tunnels,
where monsters were met with faces like funnels.
But there never was fear for we danced with deer
and sang till the blue haze lifted.
Friends suddenly had left,
of their time I was bereft
but at least my reality was shifted.
Or at least that’s what the fish said. And he said it was fine. Either way, its a heck of a long walk for a bobblehead.
Experiment Outcome: Fish!
Vault 101 - Home Sweet- Where the hell are you off to?
And so, here we are. Where it all started. And yes, Vault 101 was also running an experiment. Despite not being raided and avoiding any bomb damage, something was rotten within this kingdom, and to find it, all you had to ask “who’s The boss around here?” Behind the clean walls and the birthday parties and the civilities, Vault-Tec had decided that Vault 101 would stay closed indefinitely to study isolationism. Apparently the findings were that 'Overseer' can also be spelled ***hat.
But close the door they did, as the Narrator put it:
“For on that fateful day, when fire rained from the sky, the giant steel door of Vault 101 slid closed... and never reopened. It was here you were born. It is here you will die. Because in Vault 101: no one ever enters, and no one... ever leaves…”
What about when the second Overseer decided to go for a walk?
“Well, maybe he took a wrong turn. Remember the Vault 101 motto: We are born in the vault, we live in the vault, and we die in the vault.”
Except for that time the vault dwellers went on a survey mission.
“Oh yeah…. Right. But besides that-”
And the time when they let the Lone Wanderer and his dad in.
“Fine, three times but-”
Then there was that girl that left her Vault 101 jumpsuit at Moira Brown’s in Megaton for an armour upgrade but never picked it up.
And that guy that went into Moriarty’s Bar and said the Overseer was full of it and was brainwashing the vault dwellers and- BANG!!
“War. War never changes.”
The final fate of Vault 101 post your leaving is left undecided. Will Amata become the Overseer? Will the radroach infestation wipe out the population? Will the inevitable inbreeding of a closed society result in more banjo music for the wasteland airwaves? And who will win the Vault’s annual bake-off? Hell, I don’t know. You’re the Lone Wanderer so go wander off and find the plot.
Experiment Outcome: Follow! That! Plot!
This concludes our look at the Vaults of the Capital Wastes. If you found these places interesting, please stay where you are as it’s far safer than actually exploring them. Unless you’re in the Deathclaw Sanctuary, because then you’re an idiot. A very dead idiot. And I’m keeping your stuff.
*Please Note: Neither NostalgiaView nor The Capital Wastelands Tourism Office can be held liable if you listen to the fish and go for a walk in the candyland of your mind.
Comedian, Writer, Actor, Voice-artist. Host of the Urbane Myths podcast, Co-host of GeekXP's 'Release The Geek'. Opinionist Purveyor of Wanton Meanderings. And above all, Geek.
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